Self Confidence: The Motor That Propels Success

“If you haven’t confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.” – Marcus Garvey,

Self confidence is the belief that you can do or achieve something. Whether it is to complete a project, give a presentation, talk to the guy/girl of your dreams, compete athletically, complete a course of study successfully, etc. Without confidence it will be difficult for you to succeed. 

Self confidence provides us with optimism, and energizes us to propel forward towards our goals.  With confidence, we find it easier to do what is required to achieve our desires.  Where it is lacking, we become timid, doubtful, afraid to try.

There are different levels of confidence that you experience when faced with different situations and objectives. Generally, for those things that you believe to be easily attainable you exhibit greater levels of confidence, while for those things that are strange or perceived to be outside your comfort zone you feel less confident.

Additionally, confidence in a particular area doesn’t of its own accord remain at a fixed level.  Instead, it is at times strong and at times not as strong.  It is also influenced by how well things are going around us – if things are trending in the direction we wish them to go then our confidence will be stronger than when things are not going in the direction, or as smoothly, as we would want.

The opposite of self-confidence is self doubt.  We doubt ourselves when we do not believe we can execute and accomplish something - when we believe we are not good enough we are not driven to try. And if we try, it is with such a frail effort that failure is almost assured. Without confidence we lack the energy and the will to ‘go for it’.

Confidence is impacted substantially by three powerful underpinning elements – belief, courage, and enthusiasm.  Without these, or with a deficiency in any one of them, it is likely that your level of self confidence will suffer.  In the movie ‘The Company Men’ people we lost their jobs were taught to energize themselves by repeating: “I will win. Why? Because I have faith, courage and enthusiasm.”

Belief

If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes (Mark 9:23).  Belief it would seem is a fundamental element in self confidence and achieving our goals.  In moving towards your goal, there are two beliefs that are crucial.  The first belief is that the goal is achievable, i.e. it is possible. The second is that you have or can access the means (i.e. the knowledge, skills, and other resources) to succeed.

 Courage

The number one reason people don’t pursue their goals, it is said, is because of fear, and in particular fear of failure.  Doubt and fear almost always follow a commitment to achieve. One way to look at them is as a form of ‘reality check’ to ensure that you have thought through your chosen course.  They tell you that “you can’t do it because” (…you don’t have the resources …others have tried and failed…you are going on a fool’s errand…and on and on it goes).  By thinking through how you can overcome these limitations, having planned your next steps, the foundation of these fears will be shaken.    You then have to move forward irrespective of them.  Courage is taking that first step, and then the next, and then the next despite the fears and doubts.  With each successive step, however, it will become easier and the fears subside.

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is that part of self confidence that provides the energy, the pizzazz or vitality. It puts the pep in your step and propels you to move towards your desire with excitement. It is what provides the wind in your sail and keeps you moving towards your goal at a pace.

Self confidence is an embodiment of these three elements. Boosting anyone of these will boost your level of confidence and propel you to the success that can be yours.

As Gordon Parkes puts it, “Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit.”

Tips On How To Overcome Social Anxiety

What is Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)?

Do you, break-out in cold sweat, tremble, have palpitations, get up-set stomach, nauseate, hyperventilate, find it difficult to think, get cold and sweaty hands … all at the thought of interacting with people or being in situations where you are likely to be under other people’s attention?  Do you have an intense fear that you will do or say something silly that will earn you the scorn and ridicule of others?

If your answer is yes to any one or a combination of the above then you should investigate whether or not you have the condition known as Social Anxiety Disorder or social phobia.  The fear we are talking about here is not the mild nervousness that someone gets when meeting someone new, like a girl or guy that you have some fancy for; or even the kind of nervousness that accompanies giving a presentation or going for an interview.  What we are talking about is a deep-seated, intense and irrational fear of interacting with people in normal social settings. 

Prevalence

Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, ranks as the most prevalent anxiety disorder. It is conservatively estimated to affect about 6% - 8% of the population (some estimates are higher).   In the category of mental disorders it is only topped by depression and alcoholism. 

Social anxiety disorder is diagnosed at different stages of human development, ranging from the pre-teen years and into late adulthood.   The condition is worryingly found to be most prevalent in the productive years (15 – 64 years age-group), with most cases being detected in the early 20’s.  As is the case with anxiety disorders in general, females seem more likely to be affected than males.

Social Anxiety Disorder and the Mind

A pattern of negative thinking leads to, accompanies, and magnifies one’s fears.   The same is true for social anxiety disorder.  You see yourself as not measuring up, flawed in some physical, mental or behavioral ways.  You think that others know of these flaws and are talking about them.  You feel that nobody likes you or could like you.  Blunders in the course of normal social interactions are magnified and go on to support and give credence to what you have always believed.  You assume the worst - things will go awfully wrong and you would be the one to blame; the fool.

These negative thoughts cause you to withdraw into yourself and avoid any situation that could be socially risky.  The negative tapes are replayed again and again, thus reinforcing your beliefs and as time goes by the condition worsens. After all, what the mind focuses on grows.  Behavioral and thinking patterns become entrenched. 

Dealing with Your Anxiety

When dealing with the medical condition, Social Anxiety Disorder,  it is advisable that you seek professional medical help. Speak with your medical practitioner and (s)he can advise on a possible course of treatment or refer you to other qualified professionals.

There are actions, though, that you can take to deal with your social anxiety and gain control of your social life. Here are some tips:

1. Positive thinking: Understand that negative thoughts will come into your mind. The thing is not to harbor them or try to fight them.  Simply replace the negative thoughts about the situations and circumstances that trigger your phobia with a positive one. Every time you have a negative thought that reinforce your fear, replace it with a positive statement about yourself that negates the negative thought.  For example, if you have a thought that nobody likes you, think of the people who like you – family members, friends, teachers, co-workers, church members – whoever the person(s) maybe. Affirm that you are likable. Likewise, if it’s a thought that you can’t do something, think of ways in which you could go about doing it and affirm to yourself that you can do it.

2. Positive visualizing: Use positive imagery and visualize yourself dealing successfully with the situation that triggers your anxiety.  For instance, see you interacting - talking and laughing - with co-workers or other people at a social gathering.  If it is a presentation, see you in front of your audience delivering the talk and the audience receiving it appreciatively.  Allow you self to experience the good feeling that comes with these positive visions.

3. Prepare: If you know what you are going to say or do in a given situation preparing will make you feel more comfortable and not as fearful.  So review possible conversation topics. Try to think of topics that the persons you will be interacting with like to talk about and do a little research.  Read articles on the topic so you have a good idea what it entails and can communicate on it. Remember you are not trying to be an expert, just to know enough so you can contribute to a discussion.  If you are trying to meet someone practice conversation starters and read about and watch videos on meeting people. 

  

4. Facing your fear: If you want to learn to swim, you have to get in the water. Likewise you will have to face your fears and immerse yourself in the situation that usually triggers your anxiety. Not all at once, if it can be helped, but gradually and work your way up to a full immersion. If its meeting people then, perhaps you could first start by saying hi to people, preferably in a safe setting like at church, work, and the cashier at the pharmacy or supermarket.  Just start.

5. Calm yourself:  Know that it is normal to feel a little nervous when in new social situations, like meeting people, speaking in public. Before engaging, you can reduce the level of nervousness by taking in a deep breath, holding it for 5-10 seconds and then slowly exhaling (repeat a couple of times). You could also tense all your muscles after taking the deep breath and hold your breath and the tension in your muscles for about 5 seconds then slowly release the tension as you slowly breathe out.

6. Review your progress and repeat the process: Note what you have done and the results 

Social anxiety is a stressful problem to tens of millions of people.  Millions have learned to cope and effectively deal with their anxieties. For more details and in-depth information to teach you how to deal with social anxiety click here.

Take Charge of Your Success Today

Many people are not satisfied with the life they are living. Some are troubled that life has much more to offer. Some find themselves in a rut after some disappointing life event. They feel trapped and would like to regain their self confidence – to take charge of their lives once again.

By practicing the following techniques, many have found that they have been able to start regaining control of their lives and have re-positioned themselves for the success that once eluded them.

1. Commitment and Focus

It all starts with a decision.  Once the decision to retake control of your life has been made and you commit to this intention, it becomes easier to focus on your goal. This focus will ignite activities in your mind that will help to move you towards your desire.  So, decide now that you will regain control. Commit to this decision and you would have made an important life changing step.

2. Clarify your goal 

Determine as clearly as possible what you want to achieve. Avoid ambiguities and be clear and definite about your aim. Be as specific as possible. For instance, don’t say you want to earn more. State the amount you want to earn, the frequency with which you want to earn it, and the date by which you want to be earning the amount. Don’t forget to write this down.

3. Believe that you deserve it

Believe that you deserve whatever it is you are aiming for. Many people desire to have things and to attain their desires. They, however, do not believe that they are worthy of them and so – often unwittingly - sabotage their efforts.  Approach your goal with the conviction that you deserve it and are able to stick to the actions required for its attainment.

4. Know why you want it

It is important to know why you want what you want.  Do you want it because not getting it will result in undesirable consequences?  What are those consequences and how will they impact your life? What rewards will achieving your goal provide you and how will those rewards impact your life? List the pains of not acting on or achieving your goal and also the rewards of attaining it.  Frequently go over this list to encourage your propulsion.

 5. Look forward to the best, and achieve it

Fill your mind with positive thoughts that you will achieve your goal. Visualize yourself achieving your goal. Note and enjoy the good feelings associated with its achievement. Bask in this good feeling. Practice seeing the goal as accomplished. Quickly replace any negative thoughts towards the achievement of your goal with positive feelings and images. Think of the rewards to come.

 6. Plan and take directed steps towards your goal every day

Plan and break your plan down into manageable steps. Take actions daily - a step at a time – that will lead you towards your goal. Without the plan there may be no structure to your activities. Without action nothing is accomplished. 

7. Persevere when things seem not to be going your way

Develop a winning attitude.  Life is replete with people who give up too soon.  Some give up just short of achieving the goal. If things are not going the way you want. Review the plan. Do further research. Seek out others who can help. But don’t you dare quit!

Start refocusing your mind and take charge of your success.

The tips presented above will have a positive impact on your efforts. Click here for more on how you can take charge of your success today!

For more information on how you can program you mind for success, why not check out Mind Secrets Exposed 2.0, a groundbreaking and revolutionary book that has helped many get on the path to achieving their dreams.