Self Confidence: The Motor That Propels Success

“If you haven’t confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.” – Marcus Garvey,

Self confidence is the belief that you can do or achieve something. Whether it is to complete a project, give a presentation, talk to the guy/girl of your dreams, compete athletically, complete a course of study successfully, etc. Without confidence it will be difficult for you to succeed. 

Self confidence provides us with optimism, and energizes us to propel forward towards our goals.  With confidence, we find it easier to do what is required to achieve our desires.  Where it is lacking, we become timid, doubtful, afraid to try.

There are different levels of confidence that you experience when faced with different situations and objectives. Generally, for those things that you believe to be easily attainable you exhibit greater levels of confidence, while for those things that are strange or perceived to be outside your comfort zone you feel less confident.

Additionally, confidence in a particular area doesn’t of its own accord remain at a fixed level.  Instead, it is at times strong and at times not as strong.  It is also influenced by how well things are going around us – if things are trending in the direction we wish them to go then our confidence will be stronger than when things are not going in the direction, or as smoothly, as we would want.

The opposite of self-confidence is self doubt.  We doubt ourselves when we do not believe we can execute and accomplish something - when we believe we are not good enough we are not driven to try. And if we try, it is with such a frail effort that failure is almost assured. Without confidence we lack the energy and the will to ‘go for it’.

Confidence is impacted substantially by three powerful underpinning elements – belief, courage, and enthusiasm.  Without these, or with a deficiency in any one of them, it is likely that your level of self confidence will suffer.  In the movie ‘The Company Men’ people we lost their jobs were taught to energize themselves by repeating: “I will win. Why? Because I have faith, courage and enthusiasm.”

Belief

If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes (Mark 9:23).  Belief it would seem is a fundamental element in self confidence and achieving our goals.  In moving towards your goal, there are two beliefs that are crucial.  The first belief is that the goal is achievable, i.e. it is possible. The second is that you have or can access the means (i.e. the knowledge, skills, and other resources) to succeed.

 Courage

The number one reason people don’t pursue their goals, it is said, is because of fear, and in particular fear of failure.  Doubt and fear almost always follow a commitment to achieve. One way to look at them is as a form of ‘reality check’ to ensure that you have thought through your chosen course.  They tell you that “you can’t do it because” (…you don’t have the resources …others have tried and failed…you are going on a fool’s errand…and on and on it goes).  By thinking through how you can overcome these limitations, having planned your next steps, the foundation of these fears will be shaken.    You then have to move forward irrespective of them.  Courage is taking that first step, and then the next, and then the next despite the fears and doubts.  With each successive step, however, it will become easier and the fears subside.

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is that part of self confidence that provides the energy, the pizzazz or vitality. It puts the pep in your step and propels you to move towards your desire with excitement. It is what provides the wind in your sail and keeps you moving towards your goal at a pace.

Self confidence is an embodiment of these three elements. Boosting anyone of these will boost your level of confidence and propel you to the success that can be yours.

As Gordon Parkes puts it, “Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit.”

Improve Self Discipline And Reach Your Goals

A friend, of mine, John (name changed to protect is identity), frequently sets goals. He goes through the process of setting timelines, coming up with action plans.  He gets started and for a while seems to be doing fine. Somewhere along the way, though, he inexplicably abandons his quest.  Mind you, the goal or intent is still something he desires, and all the good reasons for its accomplishment are still valid.  But somehow, he can’t seem to do, with any consistency, what he knows has to be done.

 Like John, a lot of us go through this cycle of setting goals and New Year resolutions only to have them thrown on our growing scrap heap of unrealized dreams. Great intentions as they are, we are just not disciplined enough to see our plans through.

Self discipline can be viewed as the ability to consistently take action or do the things we intend to do, when they should be done. It is the propensity to do what is required to achieve ones goals or desires.  Without self discipline it is likely that tasks, even though started, will not be executed with the kind of focused consistency of performance that is necessary to build up the momentum necessary to propel one forward. This momentum of course emanates from a habit of doing.

There are two chief reasons that appear stymie ones abilities. One is the propensity to fall back into the comfort of old familiar ways. The other is that people easily lose interests in tasks once the novelty of doing them wears off.  Overcoming these two issues takes discipline.  Without it, we will simply give in to our baser desires and old routines (habits).

Developing Self Discipline  

Developing self discipline is not the easiest thing in the world. Sure the actions to be taken aren’t complex, but overcoming the stubborn harnesses of our old habits, need for instant gratification and novelty is not easy.

So what can John do to develop self discipline and get back on track to achieve his goal? Here are six things that he could do:

1.       Be sure that the reasons he wants to achieve the goal are important enough to him:  It is no good doing something that is not of consequence to him and to which he attaches no great importance.

2.       Break goals down into bite size activities:  If he views the enormity of his goal and try to do too much at once he will become daunted.

3.       Schedule the activities to be done and stick with the schedule:  If things are loose and he starts to do things haphazardly then chances are he will delay taking action until it reaches a stage where he just doesn’t bother .

4.       Use will power to start tasks on time and stick to them: This is particularly important when he gets that ‘I can’t be bothered feeling’. If the mood isn’t right he will need to summon his will power to get going.

5.       Develop the habit of doing/ taking action: This is accomplished through consistency and sticking to a new form of behavior long enough for it to take root.  Initially will power might be needed but as new ways are learned and taken on they become fixed and his execution will become more efficient and habitual.

6.       Engage other(s) who will help keep you accountable:  These may be mentors, coaches, friends or family members who are committed to him accomplishing his goals.  This will help keep him focused and also has the bonus of adding fresh perspective when needed.

The above tips can enhance self discipline and get one back on track to achieving one’s goals.

Why Do We Choose What We Want And What To Do About It?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you want something, whether it is a physical item, like more money, or new phone; or a status change like getting a higher office position at work, being selected president of your social club?

Many years ago in marketing class, a lecturer said, “People do not really buy what they buy; they buy what the things they buy do for them.” He went on to explain that a person buying a bit for a drill is really buying a hole and the person buying a car is not really buying the car, but rather what the car represents or does for her –which could be admiration of her friends, status, fun, safety, savings, etc.

Some say the reason we want things is because they satisfy a need (benefit or end state).

What you will find is that the need or reason why you want what you want may be fulfilled in different ways.  For example, a person looking for safety may decide to get herself a firearm, another person may join a self-defense class, while yet another may get potions and charms (everyone according to her way, I guess).  The want is therefore only the means, and the need the end.  There exists a number of wants that can satisfy a need.

So if any of several means (wants) can satisfy an end (a need), what determines which of them we want? What causes us to zero-in on one want as oppose to others?  Well, provided that there is no external pressure (like you being forced or influenced by someone else or circumstances) a want will be based on your hierarchy of values – a nice way of saying the order in which things are important to you - and the choices available to you.

Everyone has an order or rank of the things she values:  Family, comfort, independence, power, belonging to a group, taste, beauty, honesty, speed, contact, and a whole host of other things too numerous to be listed here.  Everybody also has limited options open to them, usually because of limited resources, like time, money, products, location etc.

Your want will be determined by the choices available to you and the degree to which they are aligned to or satisfy your highest ranked values. Let’s say in travelling you value speed, savings, comfort and status – in that order.  Chances are in a trip from say, Atlanta to Miami, you may choose a low-cost carrier, and fly economy. While someone whose values are speed, status, comfort, and savings - in that order - may choose a brand name carrier and fly first class.

So you want what you want because of its ability to provide the benefit you want (go to Miami from Georgia) and then, the choices available (by car, bus or plane) and finally, the degree to which each choice satisfy your hierarchy of values.

A person wanting to lose weight would make a similar shift.  Having made that shift then her order of values in relation to satisfying her hunger would change.  So instead of going on taste, cost effectiveness, convenience, and health (if that was the order) she would perhaps adjust to health, cost effectiveness, taste and convenience.

The thing is that you are not changing the values, just adjusting their order. In the example above, the first level value was to satisfy taste, this could still remain and health moved up, say to second spot, and a chicken salad becomes the want instead some greasy or fried food.

 I have cut back on eating some unhealthy food using a similar re-orienting of values. I have also been able to cut down on time spent watching television and now read a lot more by re-orienting values to do with how I spend my spare time.  The thing is that you are not changing the values, just adjusting their order.

 Why is this important? Well, if you want to change the choices you make when satisfying a particular need, then you could make an adjustment in the order of the values associated with that need. Little tactics like these can go a far way in making incremental changes that allow you to take charge of your life and realizing your dreams.

Tips On How To Overcome Social Anxiety

What is Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)?

Do you, break-out in cold sweat, tremble, have palpitations, get up-set stomach, nauseate, hyperventilate, find it difficult to think, get cold and sweaty hands … all at the thought of interacting with people or being in situations where you are likely to be under other people’s attention?  Do you have an intense fear that you will do or say something silly that will earn you the scorn and ridicule of others?

If your answer is yes to any one or a combination of the above then you should investigate whether or not you have the condition known as Social Anxiety Disorder or social phobia.  The fear we are talking about here is not the mild nervousness that someone gets when meeting someone new, like a girl or guy that you have some fancy for; or even the kind of nervousness that accompanies giving a presentation or going for an interview.  What we are talking about is a deep-seated, intense and irrational fear of interacting with people in normal social settings. 

Prevalence

Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, ranks as the most prevalent anxiety disorder. It is conservatively estimated to affect about 6% - 8% of the population (some estimates are higher).   In the category of mental disorders it is only topped by depression and alcoholism. 

Social anxiety disorder is diagnosed at different stages of human development, ranging from the pre-teen years and into late adulthood.   The condition is worryingly found to be most prevalent in the productive years (15 – 64 years age-group), with most cases being detected in the early 20’s.  As is the case with anxiety disorders in general, females seem more likely to be affected than males.

Social Anxiety Disorder and the Mind

A pattern of negative thinking leads to, accompanies, and magnifies one’s fears.   The same is true for social anxiety disorder.  You see yourself as not measuring up, flawed in some physical, mental or behavioral ways.  You think that others know of these flaws and are talking about them.  You feel that nobody likes you or could like you.  Blunders in the course of normal social interactions are magnified and go on to support and give credence to what you have always believed.  You assume the worst - things will go awfully wrong and you would be the one to blame; the fool.

These negative thoughts cause you to withdraw into yourself and avoid any situation that could be socially risky.  The negative tapes are replayed again and again, thus reinforcing your beliefs and as time goes by the condition worsens. After all, what the mind focuses on grows.  Behavioral and thinking patterns become entrenched. 

Dealing with Your Anxiety

When dealing with the medical condition, Social Anxiety Disorder,  it is advisable that you seek professional medical help. Speak with your medical practitioner and (s)he can advise on a possible course of treatment or refer you to other qualified professionals.

There are actions, though, that you can take to deal with your social anxiety and gain control of your social life. Here are some tips:

1. Positive thinking: Understand that negative thoughts will come into your mind. The thing is not to harbor them or try to fight them.  Simply replace the negative thoughts about the situations and circumstances that trigger your phobia with a positive one. Every time you have a negative thought that reinforce your fear, replace it with a positive statement about yourself that negates the negative thought.  For example, if you have a thought that nobody likes you, think of the people who like you – family members, friends, teachers, co-workers, church members – whoever the person(s) maybe. Affirm that you are likable. Likewise, if it’s a thought that you can’t do something, think of ways in which you could go about doing it and affirm to yourself that you can do it.

2. Positive visualizing: Use positive imagery and visualize yourself dealing successfully with the situation that triggers your anxiety.  For instance, see you interacting - talking and laughing - with co-workers or other people at a social gathering.  If it is a presentation, see you in front of your audience delivering the talk and the audience receiving it appreciatively.  Allow you self to experience the good feeling that comes with these positive visions.

3. Prepare: If you know what you are going to say or do in a given situation preparing will make you feel more comfortable and not as fearful.  So review possible conversation topics. Try to think of topics that the persons you will be interacting with like to talk about and do a little research.  Read articles on the topic so you have a good idea what it entails and can communicate on it. Remember you are not trying to be an expert, just to know enough so you can contribute to a discussion.  If you are trying to meet someone practice conversation starters and read about and watch videos on meeting people. 

  

4. Facing your fear: If you want to learn to swim, you have to get in the water. Likewise you will have to face your fears and immerse yourself in the situation that usually triggers your anxiety. Not all at once, if it can be helped, but gradually and work your way up to a full immersion. If its meeting people then, perhaps you could first start by saying hi to people, preferably in a safe setting like at church, work, and the cashier at the pharmacy or supermarket.  Just start.

5. Calm yourself:  Know that it is normal to feel a little nervous when in new social situations, like meeting people, speaking in public. Before engaging, you can reduce the level of nervousness by taking in a deep breath, holding it for 5-10 seconds and then slowly exhaling (repeat a couple of times). You could also tense all your muscles after taking the deep breath and hold your breath and the tension in your muscles for about 5 seconds then slowly release the tension as you slowly breathe out.

6. Review your progress and repeat the process: Note what you have done and the results 

Social anxiety is a stressful problem to tens of millions of people.  Millions have learned to cope and effectively deal with their anxieties. For more details and in-depth information to teach you how to deal with social anxiety click here.

Take Charge of Your Success Today

Many people are not satisfied with the life they are living. Some are troubled that life has much more to offer. Some find themselves in a rut after some disappointing life event. They feel trapped and would like to regain their self confidence – to take charge of their lives once again.

By practicing the following techniques, many have found that they have been able to start regaining control of their lives and have re-positioned themselves for the success that once eluded them.

1. Commitment and Focus

It all starts with a decision.  Once the decision to retake control of your life has been made and you commit to this intention, it becomes easier to focus on your goal. This focus will ignite activities in your mind that will help to move you towards your desire.  So, decide now that you will regain control. Commit to this decision and you would have made an important life changing step.

2. Clarify your goal 

Determine as clearly as possible what you want to achieve. Avoid ambiguities and be clear and definite about your aim. Be as specific as possible. For instance, don’t say you want to earn more. State the amount you want to earn, the frequency with which you want to earn it, and the date by which you want to be earning the amount. Don’t forget to write this down.

3. Believe that you deserve it

Believe that you deserve whatever it is you are aiming for. Many people desire to have things and to attain their desires. They, however, do not believe that they are worthy of them and so – often unwittingly - sabotage their efforts.  Approach your goal with the conviction that you deserve it and are able to stick to the actions required for its attainment.

4. Know why you want it

It is important to know why you want what you want.  Do you want it because not getting it will result in undesirable consequences?  What are those consequences and how will they impact your life? What rewards will achieving your goal provide you and how will those rewards impact your life? List the pains of not acting on or achieving your goal and also the rewards of attaining it.  Frequently go over this list to encourage your propulsion.

 5. Look forward to the best, and achieve it

Fill your mind with positive thoughts that you will achieve your goal. Visualize yourself achieving your goal. Note and enjoy the good feelings associated with its achievement. Bask in this good feeling. Practice seeing the goal as accomplished. Quickly replace any negative thoughts towards the achievement of your goal with positive feelings and images. Think of the rewards to come.

 6. Plan and take directed steps towards your goal every day

Plan and break your plan down into manageable steps. Take actions daily - a step at a time – that will lead you towards your goal. Without the plan there may be no structure to your activities. Without action nothing is accomplished. 

7. Persevere when things seem not to be going your way

Develop a winning attitude.  Life is replete with people who give up too soon.  Some give up just short of achieving the goal. If things are not going the way you want. Review the plan. Do further research. Seek out others who can help. But don’t you dare quit!

Start refocusing your mind and take charge of your success.

The tips presented above will have a positive impact on your efforts. Click here for more on how you can take charge of your success today!

For more information on how you can program you mind for success, why not check out Mind Secrets Exposed 2.0, a groundbreaking and revolutionary book that has helped many get on the path to achieving their dreams. 

Book Review - Mind Secrets Exposed 2.0

The human mind is an amazing machine and is capable of some miraculous feats that confuse the most learned scientist. We know little of the mind, except that it is powerful and we don’t tap into its full potential. There are plenty of people who are interested in uncovering the truth about the mind and utilizing its full power. There are a corresponding number of self-help books available on the Internet that claim to allow access to these hidden depths – but most of them fail to deliver on their promise.


But here comes Greg Frost and his latest book, Mind Secrets Exposed. This book is a great tool for anyone who wants to enhance their mind and the quality of their life and the best part is that this book works. Mind Secrets Exposed is filled with comprehensive information on how the mind works and how one can tap into its potential. Greg Frost also provides great techniques and strategies for accessing the full power of the mind, from visualization to focusing exercises, allowing the reader to accomplish anything they want.


The book comes in the standard e-book format, as well as an audiobook, for those who want to access the contents on the go. Each chapter focuses on a different part of the mind and how to fully utilize that function to achieve success and accomplish goals. The end of each chapter is capped off with exercises and guides, providing the reader with several ways to apply the concepts discussed in the chapter in real-life. These efficient guides add practicality and applicability to the theories found in Mind Secrets Exposed.


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